


She's not the antimessiah she's a very naughty girl

by Slant



Series: Not really a wrestling au [3]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, THE STARS ARE WRONG, The Stars are Right, the sea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 09:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18588238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slant/pseuds/Slant
Summary: When the stars came right again, ... mankind would have become ... free and wild and beyond good and evil, ... and all the earth would flame with... ecstasy and freedom. Or maybe it'll be a coffeeshop AU?





	1. Family

**Author's Note:**

> Asinath is the tentacle creature in Catra and Adora's dorm that we get like 1 second of in episode 1. I like her best as a basic Horde goon who happens to talk like a Lovecraft narrator. Having her as some fraction of a elder god restricted only by the fact that the Stars are Wrong (You can't see any stars from Etheria, for a start) kind of makes sense, but I'm basically not super-interested in what happens when the stars align -that is too much my OC being special, and also is nothing like as funny.  
> So this exists for those headcanons and stories that I wrote maybe a dabble's worth of before I got overwhelmed by how dull they are.

"Sure I've seen the sea! It was that time me and Catra were on a boat." Scorpia sighed happily. "I loved our boat-date."  
 _"Then you have seen its bottomless wrath. The careless might squandered on froth and spray and the long slow undulations of its endless movement. Strength without equal, restraint, or intent. Your ship rides on the swell, insignificant and lost in the blue."_  
"And oh that sea-air. And the birds; Catra hissed at them."  
 _"The sea could crush the Horde, the Princesses Alliance and the relics of the First One's entire, and it would not notice. It can't be forced. It knows no reason. It is. It does as it is."_  
 _"As the sea is to the_ wealming _of_ Sarnith _, so is my father to the sun and the moon. He can be a bit much."_  
"Awww, that's sad, I miss my folks. That's sad too, of course, but a different sad."


	2. Coffeeshop AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I still kind of think that stars-are-right Asinath is a bit dull, but I do utterly love grumpy student working a coffee shop Catra :)

"Now," said Shadow Weaver, "when the moons align, none can resist my power. Those dreams? The sensitives and poets that awoke from slumber to craft wonders and terrors and images of fantastic cities? That was but a foretaste of my power as the light dies!"  
_"Alas, for we are surrounded on all the sides known to man. No help can reach us by land or by air or by burrowing."_ Asinath paused for a moment, and in that instant, she was a monument to Disdain, crafted by fabulous smiths in lands of legend that lie beyond the sunset.  
_"Look to the angles betwixt those spaces, for the stars are **right**."_  
She poured down from Outside, a three-dimensional cross-section of something vaster than mere space could contain; the tentacle-tippy-toe of the fractal infinity of He that is the Gate and the Key.  
Entraptra realised that she had been wrong: Asinath did not have a couple of extra-dimensional organs. Asinath was a lower-dimensional organ. A cute little 3d offshoot of the something bigger than worlds. Also, there were too many faces and she couldn't cope with it.  
There was a brief eternity of distorted howling, of gibbering in no human tongue. Organic matter blooming in sickly nonsensical profusion, swirling lights that meant nothing and everything flickered and the earth spasmed with continental birth. The cosmos opened its eye and stared into Catra's soul, ravening with delight and sharing the secrets of Life and Everything. Then everything turned outside-in again.

* * *

 

The bell jingled and Catra made a disgusted noise. She had to get up and provide a customer service experience. She looked to the door, and, even worse, the girl who had just walked in was cute, with wide guileless blue eyes and a figure that said "I benchpress the jerks who tell me to be careful not to get huge."  
This was terrible.  
"This isn't right," she muttered to her manager. "Everything feels weird today."  
"Some atavistic memory of former ages? Of other ways of being?" Asinath had been studying folklore and renascence mysticism for far too long and got a bit ... yeah.  
"Hi, can I get some coffee please?" She was polite to service-sector workers and her voice was pretty; Catra scowled harder and fiddled with the biscotti. Fuckers never arranged the biscotti properly.  
"Doesn't it all seem a bit cliché? Like the fake world in the Matrix if it was written by an unimaginative kid dreaming of love rather than a world-spanning machine intelligence?"  
"You fear that your life is a lie told to you by creatures far beyond your comprehension?"  
"Yeah. My life should be a lie that I tell myself, just like everyone else's." Catra blushed. Synthesise your course reading, don't just regurgitate it when someone says trigger words. Fortunately, Asinath seemed distracted by something only she could see.  
"Ummm, about that coffee? Or, you know any acknowledgement that I'm here at all?"  
"Fine," snapped Catra, "Don't complain to me when we have biscotti riots." She stomped behind the counter and started doing technical-looking things with high-pressure steam and the spider-press.  
"You dread that your world is but shadows on the wall of a cave, cast by beings of unimaginable size and complexity."  
"Nah, cos Plato was fash scum." Catra fucking loved Popper.  
She thrust a paper cup full of some sort of fluid at the large woman. "You can pay in currency or," she scowled at her manager/best friend/tormentor, "since it is Existential Terror Hour, by howling at the sky."  
"I think that clouds are pretty, so I'll pay. Do you take solved sudoku?" She took her beverage container and left.  
Both of them waited until the door closed behind her before exclaiming.  
"Oh no! She was cute!"  
...

"I think she must like you!" squeaked Glimmer, pointing at her friend's cup, "she drew a cute little picture for you!"  
Adora squinted at her cup. "A staring, broken-legged bird, with a speech bubble that just says 'plorb'. That is pretty romantic."  
"Plus she made my half-caf soy beverage-product with extra spiders."  
...  
"Seriously boss, what the hell is going on?"  
"The stars {were/are} {right/wrong}. I can do anything when they are right, and also it kind of sucks, so I made them wrong, and now everything is." Asinath gestured at the coffee-machine, with its shiny chrome sacrificial bowl, and the screaming faces on the steam-spigots.  
"It was not my best idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My broken reality is much funnier but also more inexplicable than the canon one we see at the end of S3


End file.
